The Tasche Man Cometh
by Time-stagnates
Summary: Doug and Ste are together. But what happens when Brendan finds out about their relationship? Prepare for revenge, Brady style... Will start as a T, may progress to M, knowing Brendan.


__**A/N**** Hey all, this is my first fanfic in a while, and is just a take on the Ste/Doug/Brendan storyline at the moment. Basically AU, as Ste and Doug are together after their kiss in the Deli, and no-one knows about their relationship. Hope you enjoy, and criticism (good or bad...preferably good :P) is encouraged :) x**

* * *

_5 missed calls from Brendan_

'Uh, earth to Doug?' Ste said, throwing some flour at him. 'You've been looking at your phone all day. Is everything okay?'

'What? Yeah, it's just...Dennis has been texting me,' Doug said, deleting the calls from Brendan. He looked up to see Ste staring at him, expecting some sort of explanation. 'Um, he's just found this new…cheese…he's _really_ excited about it.'

'Cheese…he's texting you about cheese?'

'Yeah, apparently it has like chocolate and cheese together in one,' Doug said, looking at a bemused Ste.

'Well, I bet it's nothing in comparison to our pizaz!' Ste joked, smiling over at Doug. 'Speaking of which, can you pass that pepperoni?'

'Ste,' Doug said, placing the bowl with the pizza topping next to him. 'Are you sure you're ready for tonight?'

'Uh…yeah. The bruschetta are done, I'm topping the pizza bases now, then all that's left to do is to…'

'You know what I mean,' Doug looked at him sympathetically. 'I know it's not the easiest thing in the world, working for Brendan again, but if you don't want to go tonight, I'm sure I can…'

'Doug, it's fine, it's all fine,' Ste snapped. 'It was fine last time we worked at _Chez Chez_, and it'll be fine tonight.'

He looked at Doug to see if he believed him. He did not. He probably would have been more convinced, had Ste not violently punched the dough each time he said the word 'fine'.

'So, I take it you're 'fine' about all this then? But even so, I'm just gonna move this out of the general area,' Doug joked, moving the rolling pin from out of Ste's reach.

'Look, I'm sorry for snapping at ya,' Ste sighed. 'It's just, well you know what it's like when Brendan's around. He just proper puts me on edge.'

Doug nodded understandingly; he wasn't the biggest fan of Brendan at the best of times, and tonight just meant another opportunity that he could find out about him and Ste. And another opportunity for Brendan to reveal his 'dirty little debt' (as Brendan called it) to Ste. He put a supportive hand on Ste's shoulder, when he felt his phone vibrate.

_Dougie, a word._

_B_

'Speak of the devil.'

'Brendan? What does he want?' Ste asked nervously.

'Uh, it's nothing,' Doug replied, quickly putting the phone back in his pocket. 'He just wanted to, uh, double check the times for tonight. It's 7.00 to 10.00 we agreed on, right?'

'Yep, three whole hours and then we're free from Brendan and mini B. It's gonna seem like ages.'

'Ah, but it's only three hours until I get to do this again,' Doug said, leaning in to place a soft kiss on Ste's lips, and simultaneously grabbing one of the mini quiches.

'Oi, Doug! Those are for Cheryl's!'

'Yeah, but I'm implementing quality control on this batch of products. And this one too.' Doug said, reaching for one of the stuffed mushrooms.

'More like animal testing, you greedy pig!' Ste joked, catching hold of Doug's hand, and grabbing for the quiche. 'Give it here!'

'Oh this one, okay. Here you go,' Doug said, passing the quiche towards Ste, before depositing it swiftly in his mouth. 'Oops.'

'Oh, you are so gonna pay for that,' Ste said, tickling Doug and drawing their bodies closer together.

'Stop, you know how ticklish I am, you'll make me choke!' Doug laughed, as he wriggled in Ste's arms. 'I'm sorry!'

'Alright then,' Ste laughed, letting go of Doug and giving him a playful pat on the bum.

'Sorry I didn't take another one, these are delicious!' Doug said, as he grabbed yet another quiche and legged it to the front of the shop. Taking a moment to enjoy his snack, he was disturbed by the vibration of his phone again.

_Douglas, the deal has changed._

_B_

'Oh you are _so_ doing the washing up tonight,' Ste joked, as he came through to join Doug. He noticed the concern on Doug's face and looked over at his phone. 'What's wrong?'

'Uh, I have to go,' Doug said, taking off his apron and walking towards the door.

'Wait,' Ste said, following Doug and grabbing hold of his arm. 'Is it Brendan again? What does he want now?'

Doug looked into Ste's eyes, and saw his own fear and trepidation reflected back at him. As much as he hated and feared Brendan, Doug knew it was nothing in comparison to Ste's feelings towards that man. Though he didn't know all the particulars of their relationship, Ste had told him enough about it; Doug understood that the only thing which equalled Ste's hatred of Brendan now, was his love for him back then. And though Ste insisted those feelings were in the past, it was obvious to Doug how much they meant to each other, then and even now. All Doug was certain on was _his_ feelings for Ste, and that he would do anything to protect him. Even lie to him.

'No, it's just, well I think he might want to renegotiate the prices we offered him,' Doug said, hoping that Ste would believe him.

'Well, if Brendan Brady thinks he can take our money, he's got another thing coming. Come on.' Ste said, discarding his apron and heading for the door purposefully.

'No!' Doug practically shouted, causing Ste to turn around in shock. 'Um, no. _You_ have far too much work to do here. I'll go talk to him, see if I can't use some of my American charm.'

'Well, okay,' Ste said begrudgingly, heading back through to the kitchen. 'Guess you're right, and I have got two _whole_ mini quiche to make now.'

'Thanks Ste, and I'll take care of this, don't worry.

* * *

Doug walked in to _Chez Chez_ to find Brendan sitting on one of the sofas with his back to him. Another guy was at the bar, pouring himself a generous helping of Jack Daniels.

'Douglas,' Brendan said, without turning round. It always unnerved Doug how Brendan could tell it was him, just from his footsteps.

'Brendan,' Doug replied. 'You said you wanted a word.'

'And but one word, with one of us?' Brendan stood up, walking towards him slowly. 'Couple it with something, Douglas, make it a word and a _blow_…' Brendan eyed him suggestively.

'Excuse me…?'

'_Romeo and Juliet_…? Shakespeare…? Walker...Doug? No-one...nothing?' Brendan looked at the respective blank faces of Doug and the man at the bar. He inhaled sharply, and rolled his eyes. 'Well come on then.'

As Doug was pushed into the office, he noted that Brendan paused to whisper something to the man he called Walker, deliberately out of Doug's earshot. Walker smiled darkly, and looked towards Doug before Brendan closed the door behind him, leaving Doug alone with the devil.

'Please sit,' Brendan said, gesturing towards a chair. Doug stood defiantly, returning Brendan's steely gaze.

'No, okay, standing room only then.' Brendan laughed to himself, as he closed the distance between the two of them.

'I got your text,' Doug said, lowering his voice. 'About the deal.'

'What, that? No, I've just been watching some good old _Deal or No Deal_ with Walker through there,' Brendan said, smiling as he noticed agitation appear on Doug's face. 'Thrilling episode Douglas, really it was, the Banker changed his offer just at the last minute. Good guy, that Banker, always rootin' for him. That Noel Edmonds though, do not like him; doesn't quite pull of the tasche as well as me, does he?'

'Wait, so you weren't talking about our 'deal'?' Doug said. 'Then why am I here then, Brendan?'

'It's very simple Douglas, you're here for two reasons. One,' Brendan said, jabbing one finger into Doug's chest. 'I don't like it when people don't return my calls. And texts.'

'Brendan, in case you haven't noticed, we're been a little busy today, preparing the food for _your_ club night. We've even closed the deli, so we could both focus on _your_ order, so excuse me if I haven't found time to return a couple of calls.'

'Aw, Douglas I'm touched, really I am. But still, you know, manners go a long way; customer service and all that. Especially towards your employer for this evening. Yeah?' Brendan said, raising an eyebrow.

'Okay, I'm sorry,' Doug said, feeling Brendan's eyes boring into him.

A smile and silence...

'And, any other reason why I'm here?'

'Right yeah, well I really needed you here in person, for what I'm about to do,' Brendan said after a moment, leaning in close to relish Doug's fear. 'I have a rhyme for you.'

'Brendan, I'm…wait…what?' Doug said surprised.

He had half expected this meeting to be a warning, and that Brendan had somehow found out about his relationship with Ste. He had come here, expecting to be punished with Brendan's threats or fists, not his poetry. Brendan coughed pointedly, ready to begin his rhyme.

'Yankie Dougie, went to town, ridin' on a pony…'

'Look, Brendan,' Doug interrupted, noticeably more on edge than before. 'I really don't have time for your games, or whatever _this_ is.'

'Oh, trust me Douglas,' Brendan smirked, leaning in closer so that their faces were almost touching. 'It's got a killer punchline…literally.'

'I don't care, I need to get back to Ste, okay? So if you don't mind,' Doug said, looking past Brendan towards the door.

He nodded, a gesture that Doug took to mean he could leave. As he walked past Brendan, however, he was pushed face first into the door.

'Dougie, Dougie, Dougie…'

'Brendan, please, just let me go. I haven't done anything…'

'Oh Douglas, you've offended me more than I could ever say,' Doug flinched, as Brendan pressed closer to him, whispering in his ear. 'You didn't let me finish my rhyme.'

'Yankie Dougie, went to town, ridin' on a pony…

Stuck your cock up Stephen's arse…

And now I'm gonna kill ye.'


End file.
